31. December 2009 by Annette Colon-Alvarenga.

Hard to believe that this year is over. It seems that just a short while ago we were signing, “We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet for auld lang syne.” 2009 has been a difficult year for many. The economy has failed terribly and the unemployment rate has hit an all time high. Many have lost their jobs, their homes and families have been destroyed in the process.  But a new year always brings an air of new hope, new promise, new vision and a fresh start.

In years past, I had always put together a list of New Year’s resolutions. However, it seemed that by the end of January of each year, I had already failed miserably in keeping with those resolutions. Then, after surrendering my life to Christ (and “surrender” is a daily process) I began looking for just one resolution to begin each year with; one thing that would help me grow spiritually. Yes, just one thing.  A laundry list of resolutions, as we have all experienced, only guarantees failure. There is an old Chinese proverb that says, “If you chase two rabbits, they will both get away.” And so I stick to one thing at a time.

For 2009, dependence on God was the theme. I was put to the test early on in the year after I began to experience health problems with some debilitating symptoms. The symptoms resulted in my inability to work and thereby devastated me financially. A continued dependence on my own knowledge and my own abilities rather than a total dependence on God I believe brought on the trial I had to endure for most of the year. Did I learn my lesson? Partially. I made a decision one day to depend on God for healing and finally asked for prayer regarding my health problems from a group of godly women I met toward the end of the year. In less than two weeks, I was miraculously symptom free. With that also came a new opportunity to regain my financial strength. But even then, total dependence has been difficult.

For 2010, my resolution is a continuation of last years’ theme, my dependence on God, but focuses more on a reaching a new level of intimacy with God. Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God” has been resonating in my mind especially these last two weeks. As I have been waiting for an answer to a business matter, I have become extremely frustrated and even angry at the continuous delays in resolving what should be a very simple matter, to the point that I have wanted to completely give up. While I know in my head that God is in complete control of the situation, that fact seems to have been diverted and not reached my heart as I struggle with the idea of having to patiently wait on God. This I know is a result of not having reached that level of intimacy with God that will allow me to just completely trust Him and surrender all of my life to Him.

And so my prayer for 2010 is this: that I can finally surrender all in order to truly know and understand that God really is in control; that I can once and for all let go of whatever it is that hinders me in order to objectively know the saving power of God in my life; that I can finally give up trusting in myself in order that I may experience the glory of God’s all-sufficiency, so that at the end of 2010, I should not have to revisit this resolution, not even to remember for auld lang syne.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14

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28. December 2009 by Annette Colon-Alvarenga.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” – Hebrews 12:12-13

If there is one thing I really need to work on changing about my character, it’s my stubbornness. Those who know me know that I can be a little obstinate. Okay, maybe a lot more obstinate than I would like to admit. As a result, God tends to have to go the extra mile when He needs to get to my attention.

The last few days I have been feeling discouraged. You know how it is when you are looking forward to something, getting something you have set your sights on, and it just doesn’t come when you want it, or maybe even not at all. Well, I have been spending quite a bit of energy and focus this last month building up to something that just hasn’t come and, quite frankly, there is no assurance that it will come to pass. And the continuous delays have only added stress upon stress which I allowed to turn into discouragement. Yeah, I let my thoughts go to a very bad place to the point that I contemplated taking a few steps backwards (e.g., medicate myself and forget about everything if just for a little while).

In this morning’s service the pastor talked about celebration in coming to Christ and deliverance from our sin/vices and I started to get that knot in my throat, you know, that thing called “conviction.” I’ve been so caught up in my own pity party the last few days that I had equated the delays and potential let down in not getting what I want as God’s judgment. The actual phrase I termed to someone was “God’s forgiveness only goes so far.” (I still haven’t figured out how to recall an email once I press that “Send” button.) Talk about letting in some bad thoughts. The fact of the matter is that I was blinded to what has really been going on the last few weeks: God needing me to step back, open my eyes to some things I needed to see, “listening” to things I needed to hear and understanding what it is I may be stepping into. This is where my obstinacy comes in: I have been so focused on getting what I want when I want that I lost sight of going to God and asking Him to be a part of this decision or asking if this is even something He wills for my life. The result has been that I had failed to balance some of the pros and cons, to see some of the “negatives” and I failed to properly evaluate the things that may compromise my character, the person I am, should I decide to “follow the crowd.”

Having spent the day meditating on God’s promises and really accepting what He wanted me to see, I now have my second wind. Whether God grants my request or I need to go to “Plan B,” I will continue and finish the race. In tuning in to God’s voice, my arms and knees have been strengthened and I now have a clear understanding and I can see the level path I need to run in order to assure myself that there will be no compromise between being the person I am, achieving the success I want to achieve and helping others achieve their success. So today I simply submit to God’s will and commit whatever work He has planned for me to Him.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. – Proverbs 16:3

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9. December 2009 by Annette Colon-Alvarenga.

For he chose us in him before the creation of the world to be holy and blameless in his sight. In love he predestined us to be adopted as his sons through Jesus Christ, in accordance with his pleasure and will— Ephesians 1:3-5.

The last couple of weeks I have been somewhat dwelling on the issue of acceptance, so much so that I lost focus of the things I needed to be doing to get to where I need to be. And it has become clear to me that this is one area in a Christian’s life where the enemy always wants to engage us.

It can be a subtle thing at times. For example, I was speaking with a friend just last week and I told her that I noticed that she seemed to have difficulty accepting a compliment; that she would not allow herself any credit when someone told her how they were blessed by her. Quite frankly, she is a pretty amazing person and people let her know it. But for whatever reason, she seems to have difficulty accepting it.

At other times it can be a little more paralyzing. I have always thought of myself as having very high self esteem and I can safely say that most people who know me perceive that I am a person who is sure of herself. And in most areas of my life I can say that I am in fact sure of myself. But I’m going to be honest here, in the area of acceptance, when the enemy strikes me there, it paralyzes me. And he did just that to me during the Thanksgiving holiday.

Satan has a way of placing doubt in our minds while reminding us of past rejection in order to move us away from the purpose God has for our lives. The idea that we are for whatever reason not who someone wanted or wants or who someone accepts can blind us, at least temporarily, to the truth of who we are in Christ Jesus. But God is so clear in showing His acceptance of us in His word. He tells us of how He sent His Son, Jesus, to die for us just so that He can forgive us and restore a broken relationship with us. He tells us that we are in fact accepted by Him just as we are when we come to Christ. There are no hoops to jump through. We don’t have to prove ourselves worthy to Him. No need for perfectionism. You don’t have to have any level of education, the right job/career, live in the right neighborhood or drive the right car. He accepts us just as we are because it is His “pleasure and will.”

This morning I was awaken at 4:00 a.m. While my first instinct was to simply turn over and go right back to sleep, I felt the need to go to my “quiet place.” God has wanted to deal with me as it relates to this issue during the last week and, I have to admit, I have been avoiding Him. But not this morning. As I sat in the dark and waited on Him, He said to me, “dejate llevar por Mi amor,” “lose yourself in My love.” That’s it. I have His acceptance and His love. What more could I possibly need?

How great is the love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are! 1 John 3:1.

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