Second Wind

28. December 2009 by Annette Colon-Alvarenga.

Therefore, strengthen your feeble arms and weak knees. “Make level paths for your feet,” so that the lame may not be disabled, but rather healed.” – Hebrews 12:12-13

If there is one thing I really need to work on changing about my character, it’s my stubbornness. Those who know me know that I can be a little obstinate. Okay, maybe a lot more obstinate than I would like to admit. As a result, God tends to have to go the extra mile when He needs to get to my attention.

The last few days I have been feeling discouraged. You know how it is when you are looking forward to something, getting something you have set your sights on, and it just doesn’t come when you want it, or maybe even not at all. Well, I have been spending quite a bit of energy and focus this last month building up to something that just hasn’t come and, quite frankly, there is no assurance that it will come to pass. And the continuous delays have only added stress upon stress which I allowed to turn into discouragement. Yeah, I let my thoughts go to a very bad place to the point that I contemplated taking a few steps backwards (e.g., medicate myself and forget about everything if just for a little while).

In this morning’s service the pastor talked about celebration in coming to Christ and deliverance from our sin/vices and I started to get that knot in my throat, you know, that thing called “conviction.” I’ve been so caught up in my own pity party the last few days that I had equated the delays and potential let down in not getting what I want as God’s judgment. The actual phrase I termed to someone was “God’s forgiveness only goes so far.” (I still haven’t figured out how to recall an email once I press that “Send” button.) Talk about letting in some bad thoughts. The fact of the matter is that I was blinded to what has really been going on the last few weeks: God needing me to step back, open my eyes to some things I needed to see, “listening” to things I needed to hear and understanding what it is I may be stepping into. This is where my obstinacy comes in: I have been so focused on getting what I want when I want that I lost sight of going to God and asking Him to be a part of this decision or asking if this is even something He wills for my life. The result has been that I had failed to balance some of the pros and cons, to see some of the “negatives” and I failed to properly evaluate the things that may compromise my character, the person I am, should I decide to “follow the crowd.”

Having spent the day meditating on God’s promises and really accepting what He wanted me to see, I now have my second wind. Whether God grants my request or I need to go to “Plan B,” I will continue and finish the race. In tuning in to God’s voice, my arms and knees have been strengthened and I now have a clear understanding and I can see the level path I need to run in order to assure myself that there will be no compromise between being the person I am, achieving the success I want to achieve and helping others achieve their success. So today I simply submit to God’s will and commit whatever work He has planned for me to Him.

Commit to the LORD whatever you do, and your plans will succeed. – Proverbs 16:3

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