Hard to believe that this year is over. It seems that just a short while ago we were signing, “We’ll drink a cup of kindness yet for auld lang syne.” 2009 has been a difficult year for many. The economy has failed terribly and the unemployment rate has hit an all time high. Many have lost their jobs, their homes and families have been destroyed in the process.  But a new year always brings an air of new hope, new promise, new vision and a fresh start.

In years past, I had always put together a list of New Year’s resolutions. However, it seemed that by the end of January of each year, I had already failed miserably in keeping with those resolutions. Then, after surrendering my life to Christ (and “surrender” is a daily process) I began looking for just one resolution to begin each year with; one thing that would help me grow spiritually. Yes, just one thing.  A laundry list of resolutions, as we have all experienced, only guarantees failure. There is an old Chinese proverb that says, “If you chase two rabbits, they will both get away.” And so I stick to one thing at a time.

For 2009, dependence on God was the theme. I was put to the test early on in the year after I began to experience health problems with some debilitating symptoms. The symptoms resulted in my inability to work and thereby devastated me financially. A continued dependence on my own knowledge and my own abilities rather than a total dependence on God I believe brought on the trial I had to endure for most of the year. Did I learn my lesson? Partially. I made a decision one day to depend on God for healing and finally asked for prayer regarding my health problems from a group of godly women I met toward the end of the year. In less than two weeks, I was miraculously symptom free. With that also came a new opportunity to regain my financial strength. But even then, total dependence has been difficult.

For 2010, my resolution is a continuation of last years’ theme, my dependence on God, but focuses more on a reaching a new level of intimacy with God. Psalm 46:10, “Be still and know that I am God” has been resonating in my mind especially these last two weeks. As I have been waiting for an answer to a business matter, I have become extremely frustrated and even angry at the continuous delays in resolving what should be a very simple matter, to the point that I have wanted to completely give up. While I know in my head that God is in complete control of the situation, that fact seems to have been diverted and not reached my heart as I struggle with the idea of having to patiently wait on God. This I know is a result of not having reached that level of intimacy with God that will allow me to just completely trust Him and surrender all of my life to Him.

And so my prayer for 2010 is this: that I can finally surrender all in order to truly know and understand that God really is in control; that I can once and for all let go of whatever it is that hinders me in order to objectively know the saving power of God in my life; that I can finally give up trusting in myself in order that I may experience the glory of God’s all-sufficiency, so that at the end of 2010, I should not have to revisit this resolution, not even to remember for auld lang syne.

The LORD will fight for you; you need only to be still. Exodus 14:14