By the Sufficiency of God’s Grace

5. October 2011 by Annette Colon-Alvarenga.

I wanted to share this very personal article for those who find themselves at what appears to be the end of their marriage. I have a very dear friend who has always said, “God is still God and He is still on the throne.”  And because that is the case, there is always hope, for His grace is always sufficient to remedy even what appears hopeless.

But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Corinthians 12:9

On October 10^th my husband and I will be celebrating our 13 year wedding anniversary. I know, it’s not a silver or gold or platinum; but to me each anniversary is a time of celebration because I have come to understand that it is only by the sufficiency of God’s grace that we have come to the place where we now stand.

Equally yoked. We met in a nightclub. We dated almost two years before getting married.  Most of our weekends included some kind of get together with friends, which naturally included drinking, dancing, etc. We married in Las Vegas. Oh what fun! And we continued the fun for several years into our marriage. During those first years of our marriage, each time I spoke with an old bachelor friend of mine, he would ask me, “how’s married life” and I would respond without hesitation, “marriage is bliss!”  And it was, for the most part.  

Something changed. In October 2003, just two weeks after celebrating our 5 year wedding anniversary, I had a personal encounter with God.  In that moment everything changed. I changed. I surrendered my life to the Lord Jesus and I could never go back to being the person I had been. It was very easy for me.  Partying, drinking, clubbing and everything and everyone involved with that way of life was no longer what I desired. The foul talk and off-colored jokes became offensive. There was no doubt that God was transforming my heart and my desires.

Much to my dismay, my husband was not well pleased with the change. In fact, my new found faith became a point of contention between us. Each time we came into disagreement about my giving time to the work of the ministry, or really just anything at all, my husband would state, “I’m still the same. It’s you that has changed.” He was right. And from my conversion forward, that familiar phrase I shared with my old friend, “marriage is bliss” quickly became “marriage is hell.”  And it was. There is no doubt that a spiritual battle had begun in my home.

From bad to worse.  Finding a balance between my new found passion and love for the Lord and my unbelieving husband was extremely difficult.  The more I gave of myself to the work of the ministry, the more estranged my husband and I became. I prayed desperately for his salvation, to no avail. I almost felt as if God was simply turning a deaf ear to my prayers for my husband. The more I prayed, the worse things became between us.  Each time he brought up the issue of separation (he couldn’t live out the rest of his life married to a Christian), I would simply say “fine.” After all, I had read 1 Corinthians 7:13-15. If he left, I was free.  As far as I was concerned, I was right and he was wrong.  He just didn’t get it; I was made righteous through my faith in Christ and he. . .well, he was the heathen!

God’s perspective.  One morning, in 2005, I was doing my daily Bible study. I was reading through Exodus. Most of you know the story. Moses and his brother Aaron go before Pharaoh numerous times and plead, “Let me people go.”  In Exodus 7:13 and 23 we read that Pharaoh’s heart was heartened.  In Exodus 8:15 and 32, Pharaoh hardened his heart. Later, in Exodus 9:7 and 10:20 we read that God heartened Pharaoh’s heart. Then it happened, at verse 10:20, God spoke to me through His Spirit: “In the same manner, I have hardened your husband’s heart.” 

I’m not quite sure how it happened but I went from a seated position on my chair to prostrate on the floor as the Holy Spirit revealed to me that there were some serious changes God wanted to see in me before He could give me a godly husband.  I realized that morning that I had been the major stumbling block to the change I wanted to see in my husband. God was requiring that I first learn to submit fully to Him which meant that I submit to my husband.

The truth is I had never submitted to my husband. The idea of  becoming “one flesh” just never sat very well with me. I had always considered myself independent. I pretty much ignored all of the “wives, submit to your husband” verses of scripture. But God’s words came through very clear to me that morning. I had to make a definitive decision and so I did. As I began to trust that God would not allow my husband to make any serious mistakes in judgment that would negatively impact our family, I finally eased into submission.

The storm before the calm.  Even as I became more obedient to what God required of me, things got much worse. After an argument one Christmas day, my husband set a definite move out date. I remained quiet as I continued to trust God, whatever God willed. And when the move out date came, God’s benevolent grace shone through. Instead of the planned separation, we spoke from our hearts for the very first time in our marriage and made a new pact, a pact that the words “separation” and “divorce” would not be spoken again as it related to our marriage; that we would work through anything and everything that might tend to tear us apart. And we have. And all of the glory belongs to God.

Several years have passed since then. One of the most important lessons I have learned is that submitting to my husband, as difficult as it may seem at times, equates to completely trusting God, allowing His grace to pour out over both of us.  Surprisingly, as I trust my husband (that is what submission implies), I am able to see the incredibly wonderful husband and father that he is. In turn, he is not so resistant to my passion for the Lord and things I desire to do in His ministry.

By the grace of God I am celebrating another year with my beloved and I am back to “marriage is bliss!”

“I am my beloved’s and my beloved is mine.”  Song of Solomon 6:3.

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